'Go on Bloggie, do your stuff,' Cressroads' town hack urged to follow his nose for scandal

First published in Blogs Hampshire Chronicle: Photograph of the Author by

WITH THREE DECADES remaining in the run-up to Blogsbody scoring his century, no telegram was to be expected from the Anglo-Greek House of Windsor for delivery to Cressroads’ town hack in the watercress capital of the world on the occasion of the former Fleet Street investigative reporter opening his septuagenarian account at Patrick and Nicky Roper’s thatched, medieval Tichborne Arms on one of the realm’s most notorious estates during the hours of noon to midnight yesterday.

And there to be found his chosen dirty dozen in the cast for the hacking of the Continuing Story of Cressroads – Neath-born journo Tim-the-Glove, Bishop Sutton’s non-reliant Robin Aide-de-Camp, Winchester’s J &P Lawless, Priory Goliath, Firkin Henry Dogsbloggy, defrocked Rev Graham Fairoak, spinach-pickin’ concert pianist Joanna Ro, Big Dave Clitheroe, Matt-the-Book, Lady A J Pineapple and Nurse Groper – with each come to share in the reading of Blogsbody’s 70th birthday greetings from Westminster.

‘ ... hope all is well at your Lower House of Windsor in Cressroads. Given that the Lower House of Parliament is keen to keep me awake rather longer than I’m accustomed to, I’ve installed a sofa in my office for essential post-prandial naps. Yours, etc.,’ emailed the ‘ornary member for close to home, who wilfully omitted any unexpurgated mention of his assorted noble, ignoble and never-likely-to-be-noble Palace of Westminster lunches and dinners for fear of re-awakening an expenses scandal that left the 2010 General Erection bereft of any integrity.

In the wake of all of this and more besides, daredevil Arms' Chef Stu’s chocolate birthday cake was presented by its landlady and fledgling Tichborne Parish Cllr Roper, alias flirty Nurse Groper uniformed in pillar-box red, if only to salute the sale across the lane from the pub of the late,late Mrs Pink’s long defunct village post office.

Going, going, gone for all but one million squid, and a glossy, full-colour Savills of Winchester brochure held to account for a much-doubted real estate bargain of any year by a buyer yet to come out from under his cheque book and - “Hello, quintessentially Hampshire neighbours,” – reveal himself to a distinctly Anglo-Saxon village of a hundred odd and distinctly different 21stcentury rustic souls.

And, thinks Bloggie,a gift of fodder to accompany his pub card addressed: ‘Top hack! With lots of love on your birthday from all at the Arms', and affording him half-a-dozen lipstick-red ballpoint kisses from the pub barmaids Sonic ...Thirsty Kirsty ... and not to forget Sammy Manic Martin, whose wood-chopping Grandpa Wilf, in the never-ending all but incestuous way of a village affairs everywhere-and-Tichborne is now remarried to Blogsbody’s runaway ex-‘child’ bride.

Meanwhile, it is love and lust that inspires pages of Facebook to quiz its many thousands of social networkers to want to solve a puzzle troubling a mind or two and then some.

Answers on a postcard to:- Mr Blogsbody Lower House of Windsor Cressroads Winchester SO24 9HU M: 079 890 495 84 What is the best-kept open secret doing the thatched whispers in the desired Hampshire village of Tichborne, near Alresford-on-Arle in Greater Cressroads?

'Go on, Bloggie, do your stuff. And see you soon – Dawn-in-the-Dumps,’ distant but confirmed fan of the Continuing Story of Cressroads messages her promise of a blind date to escape from her unhappy home life close by Hampshire’s county line with Royal Berkshire.

More to follow!– www.blogsbody.co.uk

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