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Rosemary Macmullen: Putting the ‘fun’ in funeral
"THOUGHT about your funeral?" Usually I enjoy being assured I've enough to cover the odd holiday or burst of retail therapy.
Forced to contemplate my hopefully distant demise I wonder what my last words will be.
Witty like Oscar Wilde: "Either that wallpaper goes or I do."
Dignified like Walter Raleigh: "I have a long road to take and must bid the company farewell." Don't think "A toast before I roast" would go down well.
I searched the web for ideas. "We put the Fun into Funerals," and a video with the mourners tossing a body into the air while singing "For he was a jolly good fellow," do not appeal.
Can I be sure my last wishes will be carried out? At a memorial service in Christie's Auction House, mourners were presented with a CD of Mozart's requiem instead of the full orchestra, chorus and soloists requested by Nan Kemper, who must have turned in her grave if she was in one.
James Henry Smith of Pittsburgh got his wish to be viewed at the funeral parlour in a recliner chair dressed in black and gold pyjamas - his favourite team's colours, while a TV ran replays of their triumphs.
One family arranged for a service on the 18th green of their father's golf course as "that's where Dad spent his Sunday mornings".
David Hassellhoff wants to be buried under his Hollywood star in a glass case. Today, your ashes can be turned into glass objects.
I fancy a necklace engraved with the words "Still hanging around" myself. Gravestones can be illuminating. Here are some favourites. The children of Israel wanted bread. And the lord sent them manna. Old Clerk Wallace wanted a wife. And the devil sent him Anna. I suspect some resentful heir missing out on his inheritance chose that one.
A widow not letting the grass grow over her husband's grave advertised the vacancy. Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes. His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife and yearns to be comforted!
Two favourites of mine play with the names of the deceased.
On the 22nd of June Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune and Here lies Johnny Yeast - pardon me for not rising.
With a great-aunt and a mother who both reached 100, I hope to do the same.
I think a simple phrase would be my choice on a gravestone.
However, I think I'll opt for cremation. As one New York funeral director states: "A body is a downer. Without the body you are free to do what you want."
The herb which has my name is supposedly good for the memory.
I'll have my ashes sent up to heaven attached to a helium balloon giving a recipe and inscribed Rosemary for Remembrance.
That would put the fun into my funeral alright!
9:55am Friday 14th March 2008
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