As you can probably gather if you know anything about me, I’m not exactly a ladies’ man. I like talking about history (essentially dead people), stole my dance moves from C3PO and am about as slick and smooth as road kill (I know that road kill has, by definition, been smoothed- that doesn’t mean you’d want to go out with it though). Here’s an example...

When my Economics teacher asked us first years to volunteer last year to help at Open Evening I thought: “Pfft, FAT chance. We get the day off, which I’ll spend in me Jammies, eating Pop Corn with a trowel watching Deal or No Deal.” Course, my mouth said “I’d love to do it.”

Therefore, I spent that evening with a classmate, eating the quiz prizes and explaining to less-than-keen kids why the country needs economists, and although Media Studies is very fun, and, yes, economics is much harder, with less colouring in bits, people who you haven’t met in 10 years time are more likely to give you a bit more money if you do this subject. I wasn’t very convincing.

Towards the end of a difficult night, a quite attractive girl glided in. The two of us immediately jumped off the table, ruffled up our hair (our own, not each others) and started nudging each other. On reflection, I don’t really know why we do that; all it achieves is making ourselves look marginally more like tramps. I elbowed my way forward and stood next to her. Suddenly, I realised I didn’t know how to smile, so I put on a face that said: “My diet is causing me digestive issues.”

I began with: “So, thinking of doing economics are you?”

“No, I’m in second year, I‘ve been studying it for a year now.”

Fantastic start, Bunyan, keep it up and she’ll practically propose.

“Um...so do you enjoy it?” Oh yes, just the question her grandma would ask.

“It’s Ok.” The bad vibes and stares that I was receiving now could have killed a cat, but I decided to have one last effort, so with my friend weeping and pounding the wall with his head in silent laughter I ventured: “So you learn about globalisation, huh? Is that just [puts on high pitched voice] Oh no, MacDonald’s are taking over the world kinda thing...” Oh yes, practically poetry.

She didn’t even bother answering, but left, presumably to strike up conversation with a nearby bin instead.

I would just like to take this opportunity to break to my parents that they may as well give up on the grandkids now...